Poems to My Mistress, My Sin, My Undoing

I Can’t Remember

Have I loved you forever or just these past few days?
It seems a bit confusing you see
Because it’s so fresh and so new,
But it I seem to remember you
Back in those tender adolescent times
And not just in these too wise middle aged years.
But then you were always too wise,
You and your startlingly dreamy, too sexy eyes.
You terrified me then, I remember now,
It was all I could to just smile.
You’re a little scary now, still
But that just serves to fascinate me more,
If such is at all possible.

Have we been together or apart all these years in between?
Pardon me if it slips my mind.
We fit together so well it feels like we could have been partners always,
But it comes back to me now,
The years I wasted away from you.
Time that should have been spent with you naked beside me,
And beneath me and above me and dieing for more
Yet having all we could ever want.
Yes, I seem to recall aching for you in pubescent agony
And adolescent angst.
Mesmerizingly close but excruciatingly far,
You teased me unmercifully without even knowing it.
And now I hear that you felt quite the same.
An impenetrable barrier of mere inches
Seems to have grown into thirty-odd years.
I don’t seem to be able to recall
Just how this could possibly have happened.
Such inexhaustible passion
Passing lethally close and then what?
Ahh, it comes back to me now,
We were merely fools,
Playing a mysterious game.
We didn’t know the rules and by the time we learned…
Well it doesn’t matter now,
I remember I loved you,
Then as now
Truly, madly, deeply,
Passionately.


Foolish

Comes the night.
And you slip from the side of my mind
Where you whisper in my ear
All day
To the front,
Where I can hear nothing but you,
See nothing but you,
Think,
Of nothing but you.
And, I will admit,
Worry a bit.
Where are you?
Are you happy?
Are you thinking of me?
Are you too busy
For your lost little boy across the miles?
I have no reason to doubt you,
You are the most dependable of lovers,
But still I have my moments.
You are always there
In some way
Reaching out
Considering me,
Yet I still fear losing you in some way.
Something I said was not quite right,
Something I wrote was all wrong,
I must have sent you away somehow.
I am not the perfect lover.
But then you are there,
And my voice smiles or my fingers dance.
She loves me after all,
How amazing is this woman.
How constant, how true.
And me a half crazed, ex carpenter
She somehow holds dear.
How blessed am I, how lucky.
And how foolish.
You have said you will love me forever,
I believe you, Dear.
I am just a foolish man.
Can you forgive me?


Dreaming

I am not lucky enough to remember my nighttime dreams,
They flee my mind as soon as I wake.
But I am quite expert at daydreams,
and my daydreams are of you.
Yes I dream of you,
of holding your hand
and walking intimately down a western street.
pausing for a tender kiss
whenever love overwhelms us.
I dream of your kisses then,
your lips, your tongue, your whole body
in them.

I dream of holding you in bed,
my arms and legs wrapped 'round you,
cupping your breast in my hand,
my lips on your head and
breathing you in.
I dream of drinking in your green brown eyes,
as much as you'll let me.
And sitting next to you in a restaurant,
sharing food and love and looks and kisses.
I dream of being with you.
I know not what I dream of at night,
but if it is anything like my daydreaming,
then I am a lucky man indeed.


Not A Day Goes By...

Got a picture of you I carry in my heart
Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark
Got a memory of you I carry in my soul
I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold
If you asked me how I'm doin', I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you’re still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside,
Baby, not a day goes by…

I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night
Thinkin' you might call me if your dreams don't turn out right
And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark
Wishin' you were next to me, with your head against my heart
If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you’re still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside.
Baby, not a day goes by…

Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days
Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way
There may have been a million years in between
But Baby you’re still the best I’ve ever seen
If you asked me how I’m doing I’d say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you’re still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside,
Baby, not a day goes by…
That I don't think of you.
That I don’t regret all the time we lost.
And I try not to think of what it cost
For us to be so long apart
It must have hardened your heart
‘Cause you’re not with me now
And I always thought we’d be together somehow

Ordinary things

I am finding I long to do ordinary things
with you.
Take a walk in a park.
Hold hands.
Go out to lunch.
Rub your leg.
Sit in someone's living room and talk.
I think we have been extraordinary for too long.
Extraordinary remembrances,
Extraordinary sharing.
Extraordinary passion,
Extraordinary pain.
It all seems too much,
I am worn away, exhausted.
Perhaps we just need to do some things together
that only require love,
and not a lot effort,
or risk.
Easy, comfortable things,
things where we can pretend its always like this.
Perhaps we need to build up
a reservoir of everyday memories,
something to fall back on when we are apart.
Because we are apart too much.